I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
