I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
