Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
