so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
