You made me cry and you don't even care
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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