no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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