I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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