He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My bed smells like the plague
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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