Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
