Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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