So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
