my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
