just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
