i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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