also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
