did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
