I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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