Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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