her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
