My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
