Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
