1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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