I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my sisters under your porch take her home
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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