so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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