i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
