Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
