i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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