You made me cry and you don't even care
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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