i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
