so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
