no, he came in my armpit
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
