so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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