i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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