dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
