Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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