i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
