I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
