so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
