we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
