Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
