Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
