Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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