tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
