stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
