Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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