Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
