can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
