the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
