? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
