I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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