I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize