Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
