I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
