He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
