she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
