its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
