Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
