Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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