well you can't waste a boner
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
