Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize