Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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