I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
