I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
