i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
