I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
