Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
