What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
