Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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