Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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