walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
NoShamevember. You game?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
