you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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