like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im holly from the hills drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
