Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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