The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
