Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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