so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am naked and annoyed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
