alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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