she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize