hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
