I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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