Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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