What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
