if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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