I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
