nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
