Can i not drive my cunt home
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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