he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
