I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize