Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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