if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
