y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
