So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
