you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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