Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
