You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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