She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
