well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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