i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
