I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So much rum. So many feels.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
