Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
