Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
