we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
