god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
