Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
